Release Date: March 10th, 2020

Genre(s): Contemporary, Literary Fiction

Publisher: William Morrow

Pages: 384

Rating: .5

My Dark Vanessa is a novel that explores the psychological dynamics and complexities of a relationship between a high school student and her teacher. Vanessa, after a falling out with her former best friend Jenny, returns to boarding school for the fall semester friendless. Noticing her vulnerability, her English teacher begins to manipulate a bond with her – something that follows her for the rest of her life. The book alternates between Vanessa’s high school and college days, and the present day, where she struggles to define her past and what it did to her.

It’s been a very long time since I’ve read a book that made me so emotionally reactive. In both perspectives, I found myself angry, frustrated, and upset by what I read, and how this story is far from a rare experience. The past chapters show in detail all of the grooming and manipulation tactics the teacher uses on Vanessa. But the present is not any better. The present timeline takes place at the height of the #MeToo movement, and Vanessa’s thoughts towards her past further show just how impactful this has been on her life. Additionally, the current climate brings on internal pressure for Vanessa to really piece together her own past in comparison to other victims – and whether she should speak up.

This book focuses on the very important topic of sexual abuse, especially among minors, in our society. It shows the vulnerability of our young, the broken systems that fail to protect them, and the many reasons why women may not speak up about their abuse right away – or at all. And the writing in this book is absolutely stunning. The details that the author chooses to focus on add so much depth and emotion into this story.

While I absolutely wanted to give this book a full five stars, I settled at 4.5 instead. The only thing I noticed when reading this book is that parts of the second half of this book (specifically the college years) did not have the same impact as the first half. I see the importance of it (especially for one of the other characters in this book) but if it were cut a little it would have felt more impactful like the first half. Despite this, no portion of this book took anything substantial away from my reading experience. And despite this story’s dark and disturbing nature, I was so invested in Vanessa’s story. I borrowed my copy of My Dark Vanessa from the library, but given this story’s power I would like my own copy of this book so I can revisit it in the future. I’d actually like to revisit this book specifically after someday reading Lolita. This book is referenced in detail several times throughout the My Dark Vanessa, and while you can understand the different character’s interpretations of the book throughout the story, I think it would be even more impactful had I actually read it.

While I do recommend this book to everyone, I say that with one hesitation. My Dark Vanessa is very detailed and explicit, and many of the scenes throughout this book are very disturbing. And while I was very invested in this book, there were certain times where I had to put it down and take a break because it is a lot to take in at once. So I can’t advise those who cannot currently read books on this subject matter to do so, because this book is heavy and it’s a lot to take in regardless of your experiences. But if you are able to read this book, it’s one I strongly recommend – and one that I also recommend you take your time with.

I listened to this book on audio, and at the end of the book, there is an interview with the author and the audiobook narrator. The three agreed on their hopes that this book would start a greater conversation around victims of abuse in our society, and that more action would be taken to protect victims or would-be victims from abusers. I hope that this book has the same effect, and opens the eyes of many to show them what is sadly reality for so many people.